The Passion of the Weiss

Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. But most of the time, I don't rhyme.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Sometimes I Get Kinda' Peeved at These Weak M.C.'s


If you happened to read my Fuck Yeah Fest preview in the LA Weekly, you may have noticed the "Fuck Nah" section, where I took a rather tame jab at the band Deerhunter. I've written about these guys before , so I don't feel the need to reiterate my sentiments. Besides, I think the entry below aptly summarizes my feelings.

Fuck Nah - Deerhunter

"Deerhunter’s live show reminds me of the first scene in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, where Bill and Ted awkwardly flail at their instruments while bitching elliptically about the necessity of making a triumphant video to get Eddie Van Halen to teach them how to play guitar. Nowadays, you don’t even need a triumphant video, you just need a good Pitchfork review, which is what the Atlanta noise-rock outfit Deerhunter got earlier this year. Suddenly, in an Emperor’s New Clothing–esque turn, a group whose biggest discernible talent is its knack for self-promotion became one of the biggest buzz bands in indie rock. Let’s hope that, in the span between now and the Fuck Yeah Fest, George Carlin can drop down to Earth in a phone booth and teach them how to no longer be bogus."

Now did I say that Deerhunter are the worst live band I've ever seen? No. Are they? Definitely. Did I call them a cut-rate indie Marilyn Manson? No, but I probably should've. But that's besides the point. You see Friday morning, lo and behold, I received an e-mail from Deerhunter lead singer Bradford "40 Year-Old Virgin" Cox. At first, I was planning on keeping the correspondence between us, figuring that it was the more mature and professional thing thing to do. Of course, since Cox is neither of those two things, he posted the entire exchange on his blog. Since none of you guys actually read the Deerhunter blog, (I imagine you probably aren't much interested in quasi-child porn and poop), I'll re-post it here in honor of my buddy, Bradford Cox, a class act nonpareil.

A Portrait of the (Con) Artist as a Young Man?

On 8/24/07, Bradford Cox wrote:

its bradford! from deerhunter! i was just wondering if maybe you
could give us some quick EMERGENCY lessons on our instruments
before our set sunday. we are kind of nervous... you know L.A. = big
city = could be our big break. we don't want to look stupid so if you
could just teach the guitar players some basic power chords or
something it would really help us out. i'll be busy giving blowjobs to other
more talented (notable) music journalists so as to keep those good reviews
rolling in.

look forward to seeing you this weekend :D
your pal,
brad

On Aug 24, 2007, at 12:54 PM, Jeff Weiss wrote:

I could respond to your e-mail sarcastically, but I won't.

I could lace this thing with expletives but what's the point?

The fact is that you are probably in one of the most critically
acclaimed bands out right now. Why care so much about one
writer who doesn't care for your music? Is it really worth your time to
write sarcastic e-mails? It's not going to change my mind or hurt my
feelings. I'm sorry you have such a low self-worth and lack of
confidence in your band.

Do you really think you make some form of populist music that
EVERYONE will like. To quote Wayne's World: Led Zeppelin didn't write
songs that everyone liked. They left that to the Bee Gees. That's a
joke. You're supposed to laugh. Or do you even have a sense of humor?

I really have no interest in continuing some sort of stupid
beef. I'm not the kind of person that carries grudges. I make jokes and I
write about music. That's about it. I'm sorry you don't find them funny.
Unlike you, I've gotten used to the fact that I can't be everything to
all the people all the time.

So good luck at the show this weekend. Have fun in the "big
city," and remember not to bite on those music-journalist blowjobs.

Sincerely,
Jeff Weiss

On 8/24/07, Bradford Cox wrote:

you do realize that everything you wrote just now was much
funnier than your article? i. am. joking. around.
but i will fight you.
and having low self worth is what i make a living from.

bradford

p.s. on a serious note does all of your writing somehow manage to
reference early 90's stoner comedy? i.e. bill and ted / wayne's
world? if so you are a genius...

On Aug 24, 2007, at 3:38 PM, Jeff Weiss wrote:

do you really want to fight me? Because I will fight you. I
promise.

And no, in addition to referencing 90s stoner comedy, sometimes, I
mention Dennis Cooper. I hear he's the cat's meow.

On 8/24/07, Bradford Cox wrote:
you don't want to bring dennis cooper into this. next thing you
know you'll be getting raped and disemboweled. he's into freaky shit.

On Aug 24, 2007, at 3:52 PM, Jeff Weiss wrote:

sounds like a fun Friday night activity. Does this sort of thing
cost money or is it gratis?

On 8/24/07, Bradford Cox wrote:

its free but you have to sign a contract so vice can film it and use
your likeness on their website. do you have good lawyers?

On Aug 24, 2007, at 3:55 PM, Jeff Weiss wrote:

I'm Jewish. Duh.

On 8/24/07, Bradford Cox wrote:

is everyone in L.A. jewish?

Jeff Weiss Wrote:

Just the Jews.

In Response to Your Question Linus, the answer is Vanity Googling Themselves 5,432 Times a Day
Ultimately, I sort of feel bad for the little guy. It must be tough to constantly have to contrive new gimmicks to shock hipsters, troll the Internet narcissistically searching for any and all criticism, and go through life looking like Mr. Burns from the X-Files episode of The Simpons where Homer and the people of Springfield mistake him for a space alien. It must be a bitch finding the time to practice.
I Bring You Love...I Bring You Peace
Now That I'm Back to Normal, I Bring You Fear, Famine, Pestilence...

I imagine Grandmaster B was just kidding when he offered to fight me (something just tells me he just isn't the rugged outdoorsy type), but if by some chance you were serious, feel free to give me a call, pal. Maybe a boxing match? A little something on pay-per-view? Maybe your more "talented and notable" friends can sponsor it. If at first they refuse, I'm sure we can figure out a way that you can convince them (wink wink, nudge, nudge). Hope you had a great time in Los Angeles this weekend and good luck with your career. You'll need it. Just be sure to stock up on the chapstick.

Download:
MP3: The Notorious BIG-"What's Beef?"

58 Comments:

At 5:01 AM, Blogger Dan Love said...

Jeff,

This guy picked a fight with the wrong internet celebrity. If I was somehow transported to a Bill & Ted-esque parallel universe I'd bust a zany guitar riff, give you an affectionate head butt and let rip with an 'excellent work my friend!'

Keep putting these idiots in their places.

Take it easy,

Dan

 
At 8:11 AM, Anonymous floodwatch said...

Get 'em, Jeff! Get 'em!

I gotcha back, dude.

 
At 9:33 AM, Blogger Ass Hat said...

do be careful, jeff. this guy makes a living from shocking hipsters - and those guys are unflappable!

 
At 9:37 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Give him the Nolan Ryan headlock > rabbit punches treatment. Make him your Robin Ventura.

 
At 9:45 AM, Blogger Dart Adams said...

Jeff! Burns your soul slow like ether
Will! Son you, king you, know you
Not! Your band is wack as hell, B
Lose! You fuckin' lost already

Now pour some liquor out on the ground for this cornball that thinks he's a space demagogue of some type when he's clearly only a frontman for a low level rock band. Why are artists so damn sensitive? All they have to do is stop sucking. Plus, everything isn't for everybody. One man's opinion is just that...regardless how many eyes see it.

Do your thing, Weiss.

One.

 
At 9:46 AM, Anonymous Zilla Rocca said...

Hey little soldier you ain't ready for war, Jeff Weiss is strong for y'all.

Dude really put himself in the line of fire with a thin ass vest.

Thanks for physically threatening another garbage ass hipster who thinks he's tough because he owns a fitted hat and a pair of Dunks.

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger Disco Vietnam said...

Your technique is magnificent
When cut across the neck a sound like wailing winter winds is heard, they say
I'd always hoped to cut someone like that someday
To hear that sound

 
At 12:11 PM, Anonymous Richie said...

I like Deerhunter's music and saw the exchange on their blog. Do you always take yourself so seriously? Your bristling reaction and po-faced analysis of an e-mail that was obviously intended as a joke reflects poorly on you. I hope picking on the guy's physical condition (caused by a genetic disorder), sexuality etc also makes you feel better about yourself..

 
At 12:39 PM, Anonymous Richie Is A Homo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:43 PM, Anonymous Die Deerhunter Die said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:50 PM, Anonymous Fuck Off said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

DEERHUNTER IS SOO BAD I COULD CRY AFTER AN HOUR AT ONE OF THEIR AWFUL CONCERTS.. A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY IS WHAT YOU WILL GET AFTER ONE OF THEIR CONCERTS. THEY HAVE TO BE THE WORST EXCUSE FOR MUSICIANS AND THEY AREN'T EVEN FROM ECHO PARK..!!!!!!@@@@@

 
At 1:40 PM, Anonymous Richie said...

Is your anonymous friend typical of the kind of people that normally read your blog, Jeff? Nice one, guys!

 
At 2:03 PM, Anonymous Richie Is A hOMO said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 2:06 PM, Blogger kiss out the jams said...

But you know what's so interesting about them? Deerhunter the band are as boring and inoffensive as Cox's media persona is attention-seeking and humorous. If he spent half that manic energy on his sound he could've had a striking live show that avoided all this mess in the first place. I haven't seen them, but I've given Cryptograms enough wrinkly-nosed chances to expect no huge change from their records: a big wash of indifference a la the Dears.

 
At 2:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

richie you must be the ultimate intellect, you do listen deerhunter afterall..

 
At 2:12 PM, Anonymous Jens said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 2:26 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

Just for the record, I'd like to be clear and state that I don't condone the homophobia in this thread.

Thanks for the kind and no-so-kind words otherwise guys.

 
At 3:03 PM, Anonymous Stephanie said...

OMG!! my jaw dropped in horror when I saw Bradford Cox's face. It's awful!

 
At 3:46 PM, Blogger KaLiBLeeK said...

I'm not sure what I enjoyed more "I will fight you" or "just the Jews."

I still haven't given The Wilhelm Scream a listen, but it'll be bumpin' in my car today. Unless for some reason I don't dig it, in which case...I'll be listening to Magestik Legend and Swizz Beatz instead.

 
At 5:51 PM, Anonymous Cashew said...

I'm gonna have to say that in a boxing ring, this wouldn't even be a fair fight.

Reminds me of that old cartoon.

I can see Weiss reinforcing Branford head with a straight arm, while Branford is swinging for the fences but missing Weiss by a mile.

As far as Deerhunter goes, I've heard better.

 
At 7:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really don't mind some of Deerhunter's music (okay, I'll admit. I like one song), but that was funny as hell.

Has anyone actually seen the movie Deer Hunter? That shit is intense.

 
At 7:25 PM, Blogger David said...

When Jeff was pushing weight, back in '88/You was a ballerina, I got the pictures, I seen ya.

It all makes sense now.

 
At 7:56 PM, Blogger Renato Pagnani said...

Jesus Weiss Supastar, the realest (and brokest... aren't we all?) music journalist ya ever heard.

Hit 'em with that real.

 
At 8:13 PM, Blogger Douglas Reinhardt said...

I also like one song by Deerhunter, but I like Jeff Weiss a whole lot more.

 
At 9:40 PM, Anonymous Stephanie said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 10:07 PM, Blogger scott said...

Classic.

 
At 10:31 PM, Blogger henry said...

greatest blog feud ever!

Weiss only fought the toughest dudes in high school. Bradford should really watch his uneven ass.

 
At 1:39 AM, Anonymous igor said...

compromise with richie:
get rid of cox
replace with...
note-able indie superstar lil' wayne;
both are from georgia!

 
At 2:29 AM, Blogger Go Nicole Yourself said...

Just the Jews?

Jeff - that got me to laugh so hard I snorted. I'm hot.

 
At 9:20 AM, Anonymous dudeasincool said...

I couldn't figure out whether the email exchange was made up, or not :) But that said, I felt that Bradford's first email was tongue in cheek--that your first response was a bit tough--but that the you guys sort of had a detente at the end of the exchange. Why wasn't this in Defamer?

Somehow I ended up with some of Deerhunter's 'Cryptograms' ep, and while I don't listen to it much, it's not that terrible. On the other hand, I havent seen them live...which I hear is another story.

My only wish is that your email exchange was with R. Kelly - then we could see some real fireworks :)

 
At 2:29 PM, Anonymous AK said...

Nice "Grandmaster B" shout too, always figured you were a closet Bud Bundy fan....

 
At 12:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm really upset Jeff that you stooped to this. Not that there is really any excuse for all this sillines on either side, clearly Bradford has issues. He was born with a genetic mutation , is gay, a virgin and constantly laughed at and ridiculed , even when people know it's not something he chose (your commenters are bigoted assholes by the way). I really thought you were someone who could put some journalistic integrity ahead of someone antagonizing you and opening up the floodgates for the meatheads of the world to call people ugly and faggot.

Be the bigger man dude. I don't think he's being shocking I think he needs validation and has been through a lot. I don't even like their music and I'm not gay, I just think attacking someone who clearly is in need of therapy and help is uncalled for.

 
At 2:27 AM, Anonymous Dudeasincool said...

I wouldnt take this too seriously, Anonymous, after all Jeff is a humorist. You can most assuredly expect him to do the right thing.

 
At 6:33 AM, Anonymous Slobodan Chutzpah said...

I generally like your blog, have no strong feelings about Deerhoof, but I thought you took a bit too far.

First you accuse the Deerhoof singer of being thin-skinned (which he was) and profess taking the high road, and then, after the email exchange, you still have to put the poor little guy on blast.

Who's being thin-skinned now? You sorta swept the rug from under your own argument by actually going farther than the little guy and resorting to these bully tactics.

Oh yeah, and your readers seem to be idiots. Shame, really.

 
At 6:34 AM, Anonymous Slobodan Chutzpah said...

Meant to say "took this a bit too far", natch.

 
At 11:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ps. using photos of him against him is just uncalled for

 
At 12:29 PM, Blogger jon said...

it's the internet in ACTION

 
At 12:42 PM, Blogger db said...

Glorious. Go Jews.

 
At 12:42 PM, Blogger db said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 1:55 PM, Blogger Eduardo Osorio said...

What a bunch of crap. So you keep writing for the kind of commenters you have here? What a waste of time you are.

 
At 1:58 PM, Anonymous DEATH said...

(Cox on his laptop)
"Google, Google on the net
Who's the fairest indie band this sec?

Not my Deerhunter you say!?
then I shall blast them all electronic-lay."

Hey Weiss,
You're not the first to notice this guy's got a problem w/ vanity Googling- I've seen him comment on two blogs (B. Vegan, Chunklet). Dude needs to focus on his music.

Indie band checklist-
Animal name - check
Halfass attempt at being psychedelic - check
Oddball outsider singer - check
Following 2 steps behind the Liars - check

Didn't Deerhunter make a dance-punk record and then went weird, just like Liars? I could've swore...

Hi Bradford,
I don't know you and we could be friends but don't overestimate the value of your band. People, opinions, your taste in music- it all changes. The only thing you can do is accept that and focus on the things you love. Don't stoop, you know?

 
At 3:09 PM, Blogger Ju said...

'igor said...

compromise with richie:
get rid of cox
replace with...
note-able indie superstar lil' wayne;
both are from georgia!'

Lil Wayne is from New Orleans.

Deerhunter not deerhoof.

 
At 3:53 PM, Anonymous Bucky Dent said...

You what's truly hilarious? All of you mofos are STILL talking about Bradford and his band.

"When you really think about it, I'm not delusional enough to think that what I do is important to life as we know it on this planet. No. But neither is what you do."
*Gene Simmons (AKA smarter than all of us put together)

 
At 4:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting how Bradford comes off much better than you do. Your first instinct to keep the correspondence to yourself would have been the wise choice. I don't see anything wrong with his response to your bullshit review of the band. In fact, if I was Bradford I would have been far less kind. Thanks for supporting my belief that people from LA are nothing but mindless douchebags.

I'm sure you'l delete this since you seem like the one who can't take criticism, but I wouldn't expect anything less from a pseudo-critic.

Much love.

Troy Brookins

 
At 4:07 PM, Anonymous big blog boy...you? said...

yo. word. whatup homes, etc.
i can't think of anymore cool words to use here. can you tell me some? you so smart, dummy. it's da new lingo, yo.
good, free publicity for that excellent deerhunter. keep it coming...shock us with your insolence. dummy.

 
At 5:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow, these deerhunter fans are complete hypocrites.

 
At 6:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

gee golly wiz people are so sensitive and they don't even know the band personally!!.. chill pills people!

 
At 6:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

your first email response was perfect and pointed out how ridiculous he was being by emailing someone who doesn't like his music and trying to get some sort of witty retribution. it went downhill from there though.. haha.

 
At 6:56 PM, Anonymous dudeasincool said...

What's with the slamming of commenters at Passion of Weiss, and worse yet, labeling us all together??!!

POW has a diverse set of readers, who come her for a number of reasons, most predominantly music and humor. To assume we all think the same is ludicrous. Please read more carefully.

 
At 8:02 PM, Anonymous su said...

yay! internet brawl! typing is fighting!

thnx for making my day feel easier guys:)

 
At 4:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You kind of came off as a douchebag but whatever. Way to sink to his level I guess

 
At 5:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, I really think Deerhunter makes some beautiful music. I am no hipster and am generally extremely suspicious of "new" music. Then I found the Black Lips and through them heard Deerhunter. I am surprised they get a wrap for being ironic hipsters and frauds; I think their music is disarming, ambitious, and devoid of pretention. I don't know how anyone into music could really hate them that much, but I guess different strokes.

 
At 10:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

jeff:

one question: isn't bradford in a band, making music with what might be considered a large following at this point and, music quality aside (though i happen to enjoy their stuff), aren't you just a hack writer/critic? you pathetic bloggers are as bad as the uber-hipsters.

 
At 3:04 AM, Blogger Dave Rawkblog said...

whoa how did i miss this

i hate this band so much

 
At 5:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

doesn't anyone reading these comments understand that deerhunter has a publicist and is alert for anything that remotely resembles the words "deer" and "hunter" on the web and in print? do you really think bands sit around all day googling themselves, especially when they're paying a publicist to do this?

leave the band alone. and to all the other people commenting on this thread, stop pretending you're from the ghetto with your eBonics.

besides, Weiss, what do you expect from musicians who you rip apart in your reviews and previews? maybe something like "oooh, thanks for hating my band and turning people away from spending money on my Cds!!!!"

Ugh - go write for pitchfork.

 
At 2:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love how loose the word "journalism " is thrown around - especially in music journalism. I also appreciate that you use the word "Hipster" as derogative (as do many of the posters above; which I imagine also fit the archetype they eagerly denounce) Isn't it your job to research - and know - what you are talking about? You also fail to point-out that you are using him as an exploit for entertainment values in your blog, which now brings you lower to the lowest common denominator of journalism: Entertainment news.

I feel bad for you, because you've probably negated human emotion your entire life. Relegated to exploiting people that lead lives that are far more interesting then yours.

 

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