Send Me An Angel: Shallow Ruminations on the Los Angeles Angels As Gleaned From Their Pre-At Bat Music
Though I grew up less than an hour away, last weekend was only the second Angel game I've ever attended. It's not like I hate the Angels or anything, it's more that loving the Cincinnati Reds and hating the Los Angeles Dodgers has always occupied the majority of the time I spend consciously thinking about professional baseball (the five minutes every morning when I read the sports page).
But I'm re-considering my apathy after having such a good experience at the ballpark. Unlike the Dodgers and Frank "I Will Wring Every Last Penny Out of My Franchise" McCourt, the Angels have cheap beer, good food and a team that actually knows how to play baseball. That's enough to make me a fan. But more importantly, after listening to each player's pre-at bat "theme music," I feel as though I have a window into their souls (one that is very murky and very cracked).
Song Choices: Rick Ross-"Push It" and J-Kwon-"Tipsy"
What it Tells Us About Chone Figgins: That the only thing that could possibly stop Figgins from having a career year is a drug test. Between Ross' Scarface-sampling ode to coke dealing and J-Kwon's paean to the virtues of everybody in the club getting tipsy, Figgins may or may not have a substance abuse problem. Either that or he writes for the Village Voice.
MP3: Rick Ross-"Push It" (left-click)
Song Choices: Jay-Z-"Threat" and Rose Royce-"Carwash"
What it tells us about Orlando Cabrera-In addition to being a gold glove caliber shortstop and a solid hitter, the Colombian-born Orlando Cabrera enjoys, carwashes, Richard Pryor and the funk. As for the choice of "Threat" it simultaneously manages to be a good song and warn the pitcher that the Cabrera is indeed "a threat." Additionally, it might also be tangible proof of the Columbian ties that Jay-Z has long bragged about.
MP3: Rose Royce-"Carwash" (left-click)
Song Choice: Something with congas and electric piano with Spanish gibberish shouted over it.
What it tells us about Vladimir Guerrero-That Dave Chappelle was right.
Song Choice-Some crappy unintelligible reggaeton song.
What it tells us about Maicer Itzuris: Very little, other than reiterating the fact that reggaeton is perhaps the worst musical genre invented since polka. Itzuris, too may have a shot at a lucrative post-MLB career writing for the Voice and/or Pitchfork. Hell, I'm sure he'd be welcome at Stylus too come to mention it.
Song Choice-EPMD-"You Gots to Chill"
What it Tells us About Garret Anderson: Anderson shows why he's one of the greatest players in franchise history, selecting the classic '88 track, "You Gots to Chill." Whether or not, the song is a subliminal jab at Chone Figgins for trying to play Young Jeezy in the locker room remains unclear. However, what remains clear is that Garret Anderson is really cool, despite the myriad obstacles he's had to overcome in being a black dude named Garret. Which no matter how you slice it, is simply not cool.
Download: EPMD-"You Gots to Chill" (left-click)