The Passion of the Weiss

Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. But most of the time, I don't rhyme.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

A Pictorial Analysis of R. Kelly and Lil Wayne's Verses on the Make It Rain (Remix)

In the days when the Native Americans ruled the Americas, they were known for the unique ceremonies they concocted to coax rain from the gods. Several hundred years later, a different type of rain dance has swept the continent. In an effort to illustrate the necessity of clean water supplies in Third World Countries, the brain trust of R. Kelly and L'il Wayne, (along with Wayne's husband/father Birdman, T.I., Rick Ross and Fat Joe, have created the "Make it Rain (Remix,") a song with an undeniably altruistic intent. Like Al Gore's for the rap world, this kind-hearted collective understand the implications of global warming. Let me be the first to start the Nobel Nomination Process. These men need to go to Stockholm. If nothing else but to hear the first acceptance speech using the phrase "skeet skeet skeet."

R. Kelly:
"I Be Drillin' These Chicks Like Major Payne/When I Make it Rain, they be like 'yo, do it again.'

What It Means: The plot of the 1995 Damon Wayans vehicle Major Payne (winner of four Oscars!) involved a man named Major Payne drilling a collection of under-aged students in the ways of the military. No one knows more about drilling underage children than R. Kelly. He's so good, that when he makes it rain, "the chicks" ask him to keep drilling. He is very much like Exxon Mobil and equally worthy of Congressional scrutiny.
"From the club to my coupe, inside my gates, up in the bedroom screaming each other's names."

What it Means: A master of subtlety, Kelly is referring to the copy of Munch's The Scream that hangs in his boudoir, not a threesome as commonly believed.

"They was purty purty and I was flirty flirty/l'il dro/l'il bub/now they gettin' dirty dirty/Don't ax me what my name is, stupid bitch, I'm famous/You Gon' make me aim this/I'll leave your ass brainless."

What it Means: The girls that Kells had met at the club were purty purty. Spectacular! Even better is his "suave" flirty flirty demeanor. The only question: Can Kells ply the "purty purty girls" with enough illicit substances to allow for an orgy that may or may not involve Golden Showers.

However, there is trouble in Paradise. These sheisty females have enraged Kelly. How can they not know what his name is? Indeed, the "stupid bitches" ne
ed to understand who he is. He is famous! How can they not have heard "I Believe I can Fly," and what about the "Ignition (Remix)." Sheer madness. Justifiably, Kelly threatens homicide. He will shoot this woman's brains out. Sadly, without brains, the woman will inevitably look like this.

"I'm trying to stay R&B, but these streets is a part of me/so don't get it twisted."

What it Means: The streets and R&B are mutually exclusive. Just ask Sisqo.

"You see I order one bottle/than I fuck with one model/then I order more bottles/now I've got more models.

What it Means: Here, Kelly illustrates his take on the fabled children's book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. Beneath Kelly's smooth croon lies a complex, yet oh-so-simple equation. If you give a model a bottle, she's probably going to want another bottle. But if you order another bottle, it's going to attract more models, so you're just going to have to order more bottles. This line might also be a reference to the long-canceled 1994 Fox nighttime soap, Models Inc.
"I'm from that city where the n----z don't play man/I take a chick to my room like Caveman."

What it Means: Kelly is either referring to the Flintstone Kids or he might be referring to the new ABC sitcom, Caveman. Either way, it involves him using a club.

"So ask your girlfriend my name, I bet she go skeet, skeet, skeet, weatherman, 'bout to make it rain."

What it Means: The line is an homage to two things. The first is noted pop culture guru, Skeet on Mischa. The second is to weatherman, Brick Tamland, a man with an equal amount of weather acumen.

Lil Wayne:
"Blat, Blat, Blat, Hey Joey, let me get him."

What it Means: Wayne is requesting to get let out from the S&M dungeon where Fat Joe and Birdman normally keep him.

"It's Young Money and we on like the television/The Weather Channel/But I do not Broadcast/I throw up more cash/and change the forecast.

What it Means: Actual evidence that George Bush's trickle-down economic theory is working. For strippers. "Your boyfriend is lame, I make it rain on you"

What it Means: Guess whose boyfriend isn't lame.

"He Never Make it Rain Like Southern California/Where's your umbrella/now get your raincoat/baby, I make it flood/now you gon' need a boat"

What it Means: An allusion to his favorite film, Titanic. Proving once and for all, the rumors that late at night during the peak of the Cash Money years, Wayne and the rest of the Hot Boys would have slumber parties once a week, where they would eat popcorn, sell crack and watch that "dreamy DiCaprio fellow."
MP3: Fat Joe, L'il Wayne, R. Kelly, T.I. Birdman, T. Mac, Rick Ross-"Make it Rain (remix)

The Video:


At 5:15 AM, Anonymous dudeasincool said...

'I Be Drillin' These Chicks Like Major Payne/When I Make it Rain, they be like 'yo, do it again.' & accompanying pic


At 7:36 AM, Anonymous floodwatch said...

Jesus Christ, J - It's probably not safe for me to be laughing that hard at this hour of the morning. Brilliant.

At 8:08 AM, Blogger Shorty said...

Weezy F. Baby...Best Rapper Alive since the Best Rapper retired...

At 9:52 AM, Blogger lady k! said...

This started my morning off right. Thank you :o)

At 10:25 AM, Anonymous zee arr, yo said...

Peep R. Kelly's entry on Wikipedia. The first paragraph is priceless:

"...he singlehandedly became one of the biggest-selling male artists of the '90s and one of the most successful male artists of all time. He is a proud African-American man."

At 10:39 AM, Blogger Joey said...

This is inspired.

At 12:05 PM, Blogger Commish CH said...

Classic. LMFAO

and to think just the other day R compared himself to Martin Luther King.

At 3:45 PM, Blogger Wade said...

Nice one, JW!
I cannot believe that Kels picture is real. With the purple, and the tongue? C'mon!
Finally, someone gives credit to how deep these writers really are!

At 6:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I'm going to be giggling at random times for the next 3 days or so.

At 8:01 PM, Anonymous spider said...

i read this everyday, and yet the satire is KILLING today!

you know, r may have been referencing captain caveman as well.

all in all, this has brightened my day. thank you mr. weiss

At 7:02 PM, Blogger M.Dot. said...

S&M dungeon


You got issues.

At 5:26 PM, Blogger heather said...

This is the best thing I';ve read all month, I love you, and you have too much time on your hands.



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