The Passion of the Weiss

Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. But most of the time, I don't rhyme.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The 10 Reasons Why Amy Winehouse Really Canceled Her Show At Spaceland

So I'm pissed. Surprise Surprise. But for once, I have a legit reason. You see last night, I was supposed to have attended a Spaceland performance from the much hyped, big voiced walking disaster known as Amy Winehouse. Granted, Winehouse doesn't make the type of music I normally get down with, but for major label pop music, I can't deny that Winehouse's sophomore album, Back in Black is pretty solid. It's not the sort of thing I'm about to bump in my car anytime soon, but it's pleasant, melodic and the girl's voice is undeniably monstrous. Plus, any girl who brags about refusing to go to rehab and bitching about scavenger smokers who smoke up all their weed is a-ok in my book.

Or so I thought until last night, when Winehouse bailed at the last minute, another not-so-shocking example of her lack of professionalism. Indeed, over the past few weeks her big-coming-out tour has been plagued by last minute cancellations, see London a few weeks ago, SXSW last week (where she canceled on the Brooklyn Vegan show, among others), and now Spaceland, where the official reason given by her publicist was: "Amy didn't believe the Spaceland stage was big enough to accommodate her band."

I call bullshit, considering large bands like The Arcade Fire and The Parson Redheads never had a problem with the stage at Spaceland being too small. And it's not like Winehouse really needs a 10-person band backing her at all times. I'm sure someone in the band would've been cool hanging backstage with a blunt and passing the time away just fine. I'm not sure why Winehouse didn't just come out and say that the dog ate her fucking homework, which might have been the only excuse less believable than "the stage isn't big enough." Which didn't seem to be a problem the night before at the equally intimate Roxy, where Winehouse performed and posed with celebrities all night long With that in mind, I present:

The Top 10 Reasons Why Amy Winehouse Really Canceled Her Show At Spaceland

10. Her Weed Got Lost In Her Marge Simpson Beehive and she refused to perform sober.

9. Her Shangri-La's Tape Got Misplaced on the Flight From Austin and she forgot who to imitate.

8. A cocaine epiphany at 4:00 a.m. prompted her to immediately fly back to London to be Bat-Mitzvah'd. Again.

7. Had to help re-dye Perez Hilton's hair a lighter shade of pink.6. She heard from Britney about a great tattoo parlor in Tarzana.

5. Decided to take Ghostface up on his offer to run trains at the Days Inn.

4. Pete Doherty had climbed ahead of her in the official British rankings of Musicians Who Double As Natural Disasters.

3. She realized she hadn't eaten in 13 days. Oops.

2. Elvira called and told her she wanted her look back.

1. They tried to make her go to rehab. Maybe next time, she ought to say "yes, yes, yes."

Download:
MP3: Amy Winehouse-"Rehab"
MP3: Amy Winehouse-"Back To Black."

13 Comments:

At 7:32 AM, Anonymous floodwatch said...

Weird... I was debating on whether or not to write a "Ten Reasons Why Amy Winehouse Is Alright With Me" post, but after hearing of this bout of brattiness, I think I'll abandon the idea. You always help me to see the light, Weiss!

 
At 9:22 AM, Blogger GentleWhoadie9000 said...

She has about 500 reasons to cancel. Granted these aren't good reasons... they are rider reasons. She has the most insane rider in the industry (especially for a new jack). When I was booking shows in Philly, I would ask that the riders be kept reasonable and neat, because basically a rider is something that you fill with shit not because you want it, but because you now have an insane number of ways in which the promoter can fuck up (e.g. Stella instead of Heinekin will probably nullify Winehouse's contract) and the act can roll out scot free, probably still holding the 50% they get on signature.

rider here:
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0319071winehouse1.html

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger bonjourtristesse said...

Hey Jeff! thanks fer the linkage, gonna put yer link up on mine if that's okay! Great post! What's the big ta-do with this beehived broad anyway? She makes good music, makes even better tabloid copy, but is it to hard to make yer own frickin' shows, Amy? Jeez....anyway, rawk on Sir Jeff, the Crown Prince of Coolness! E. XX

 
At 10:26 AM, Blogger skinny said...

some peoples of mine tried to book her for an nyc show to follow up her sold out night at joe's pub. her people were all ready to sign the contracts but then the government called and said she had too many drunken disorderly conduct arrests for them to extend her visa.

what kind of fuckery is that?

 
At 1:36 PM, Blogger Scott said...

The real reason Amy Winehouse cancelled her show at Spaceland: After her (admittedly impressive) show at the Roxy, I got her terrifically stoned on my special stash of "Grape Ape," whisked her away from all of those horrible "celebrities" and we made love like crazed, drug-fueled weasels in her room at the Mondrian all day (and most of the night) on Tuesday. I'm sure she'll write about it on her next record. Oh, and I totally saw Fab from the Strokes in the parking structure across the street. Alone! What's that about?

 
At 1:56 PM, Blogger Go Nicole Yourself said...

I'm still bitter. She's new BFF with that bitch Perez Hilton at the Roxy but can't pull her skinny ass up on a stage two nights in a row to sing for me (and you)? Whatever.

 
At 2:40 PM, Blogger Dodge said...

She cancelled all her Saturday events at SXSW. I talked to some kids at Universal down at SXSW and they were just speechless about her and her behavior. She's got an amazing voice, but she's gonna end up having one of the best "Behind The Music's" within her first couple years.

 
At 3:13 PM, Anonymous Robbie said...

"5. Decided to take Ghostface up on his offer to run trains at the Days Inn."

Blaow!

 
At 7:58 PM, Anonymous factorygirl said...

you people could not be more square...hello, she's extreimely talented and no matter what, people will flock to see her, she's uniqie and some of us out here get it. you would probably sit here and shake your finger at Jim Morrison too.

 
At 2:53 PM, Blogger Uncle Grambo said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 5:29 PM, Blogger Dj Triple Threat said...

walking disaster
=========

10 Reasons Why Amy is not a Walking Disaster.

1.Any woman that sings a song about telling a woman to stop her man from smoking her w**d simple don't give a f*ck.

2. She sings about missing a slick rick gig.

3. She my myspace friend.

4. She badder than 88% of r&b cats negro and non negro alike.

5. Salaam "I produce for Nas" Remi, produced most her jawn.

6. She ain't gotta perform if she don't want to. Thats Rock Star status.

7. When she finally perform, its gonna be blaze.

8. You got "got" for thinking that she was gonna show up when she has songs about.

9. Her CD "Frank" is just as bad as back to Black.

AND the last jawn.

10. There is no better cd to listen to when you are blue OTHER THAN Illmatic or the Best of Donny Hathaway.

 
At 4:03 PM, Blogger flim-flam said...

dude, goldenvoice mader her cancel because of her appearance at coachella. straight up laaame.

 
At 3:33 PM, Blogger stephaniefrasco said...

Jeff!! I searched Amy winehouse and publicist and you came up 6th on the list. NICE WORK!! NICE WORK!!

 

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