The Passion of the Weiss

Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. But most of the time, I don't rhyme.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Hipster Style-Watch: How to Get a Leg (gings) Up on the Competition

According to this Yahoo! article last week, leggings for men are the new-must haves this winter. Meaning that for the first time post-Renaissance (or at least post-Renaissance Faire), males will be rocking leggings like they were Pat Benatar circa 1984. And everyone knows that if this trend does indeed take off, the first places to adopt the styles will be Silverlake and Williamsburg, two neighborhoods already perfectly suited to the trend with 97 percent of hipster females already wearing leggings.

But if I know these very hip and forward-thinking souls as well as I think I do, they're already looking beyond the next trend, already plotting things years into the future. With that in mind, here are my suggestions for the hipster fashion world after leggings get played out (I'm guessing three months).

1. The Kilt Think kilts are just for strange Scottish janitors and Mel Gibson? Guess again, my friend. Kilts are the wave of the future. Sure, men will inevitably love the smooth comfort of leggings in the winter, but how to stay fashionable come summer-time? The only solution is airing that shit out, Scotsman-style. Enjoy a pint of dark beer, feast on some succulent haggis, grow a bushy red-beard, all in the comfort of a plaid, terminally fashionable kilt. Think about Groundskeeper Willie for a minute. Do you know how many hipster chicks he'd get rocking such a fine beard AND a kilt. Before, he could tell them that he worked in "education," they'd already be taking off their striped shirts. And that too can be you, if you jump on the kilt trend early. If I were a betting man, I'd be buying stock here. Kilt Store.com is the new Google.

2. The Tu-Tu
You don't have to be paying attention to the Billboard Charts to see that Indie is "in" these days. And with "indie" groups like Swan Lake rising in notoriety, it'd be only natural for their die-hard fans to dress like ballerinas for Swan Lake performances. Plus, if leggings are already being worn, slapping on a nice puffy tu-tu is next logical extension. Come next Winter, expect to see venues from coast-to-coast packed with rocking the tu-tus like they were Vladimir Petrovich Begichev. Stellar! They're the new bubble-gooses. Don't sleep.


3. The Mu-Mu
Judging from the picture above, I'd say this trend has already begun. And for good reason. Things work in cycles and currently hipster fashion is mired in a cycle of skinny jeans and eensy-weensy ironic tees. That can't be good for circulation. So what better than a loose, free-flowing mu-mu, to show the world, "hey, look just because I'm a white dude at the Girl Talk show, don't think that I can't get down." If nothing else wearing a mu-mu tells the world you truly don't give a fuck. Ask Homer J. Simpson what he turned to when he found "pants" too confining. And if you don't think Homer J. Simpson was cool than you certainly won't be cool in anyone else's book. Get shopping.

4. The Sarong

Wake up people. India is the new America. In 50 years time, when Americans are drinking brawndo (because it has electrolytes!), India will have parlayed its vast population, natural resources and increasing number of Phds into a role as one of the world's greatest powers. So get started before the masses start trying to ape India's fine and sleek textiles. And where better to begin than the sarong, an ancient garment with a long and fabled history. And with Sisqo rumored to be on the comeback trail, what better than to hear his triumphant return anthem "The Sarong Song" with its accompany "sarong...so rong...thong thong!!!!. Ain't nothin' sarong with that. (I apologize, it is next to impossible not to make puns about sarongs.)

5. The Stove-Pipe Hat

Hipsters love hats. Whether its the derby, the Che Guevara Hat or the Badly Drawn Boy skully, one is none-too-fashionable without some sort of head gear. Accordingly, the next frontier of haberdashery can only be realized with a look back to our past. Specifically to our 16th president, Abraham "Ol' Stove-Pipes" Lincoln. Indeed, Lincoln may have been the prototypical hipster, what with his penchant for beards and blazers, not to mention his love of poetry,
abd his rail-thin build. What woman could resist you in a stove-pipe hat? How could she turn down such chic headgear that says "I am the great emancipator." Stick that in your stove-pipe and smoke it.

15 Comments:

At 4:20 AM, Blogger Nate said...

What happened to the Hipster Hamburglar/Ronald McDonald Striped Shirt/dress look made so famous in 2004 and 2005...

http://img21.imageshack.us/img21/9113/292521036l9vy.jpg

 
At 10:16 AM, Blogger Commish CH said...

Yo, Cee-Lo rocks the Mumu on the regular. Other than Homer Simpson, he's the only cat I can think of that does.

 
At 10:49 AM, Anonymous angrycitizen said...

funny post p.o.w.
i would like to see the powdered wig make a comeback. that would be ill.

http://www.rareads.com/scans1/32775.jpg

 
At 11:27 AM, Anonymous jamie said...

Tights.. how stupid.. If anyone I knew ever started wearing something like that...

I guess its not too far disconnected from the ultra-tight-black-jeans I see these hipster guys wearing all the time. Lame!

 
At 3:06 PM, Anonymous Rap Jack Bauer said...

I'm gonna stay ahead of the curve and rock some loose fitting Los Angeles Raiders Zubaz pants the next time I go to a Ghetto Party.

 
At 5:54 PM, Blogger Dodge said...

i gotta be honest...i want that mu-mu.

 
At 6:12 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

Hey...truth in jest...if Homer Simpson wore it, its cool in my book. However, I do think a prereq for a mu-mu is to be 200 lbs. At that point, anything goes.

 
At 6:23 PM, Anonymous sister said...

i don't mind the stove pipe hat.

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger amphimacer said...

I'm telling you -- the chicks dig the poetry, not the hat. I'm tired all the time.

 
At 8:53 PM, Anonymous La Fashion Policia said...

Having worn many a tutu, I can vouch for their unbelievable discomfort on total lack of practicality. (Ever try getting into the passenger seat of a mini cooper in one of those things? Not pretty.)

But I am with you on the poetry and hats trend. I think that in order for it to go mainstream, it will have to be poetry about hats. "Ode on a
Grecian Cap" and all that. I'm eagerly awaiting the Colbert version: truthiness is beauty and beauty truthiness.

That is all you'll wear and all you'll ever need to wear.

 
At 1:20 AM, Anonymous DudeAsInCool said...

How long has the fashion industry been on crack?

 
At 10:47 AM, Blogger Joey said...

If I see a dude wearing leggings, I am slapping someone's kufi off.

 
At 4:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll smack the skinny glasses off a face and mess up the Jennifer Aniston hair.

 
At 4:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

India doesn't wear the sarong; India wears the dhoti. But lungis are more working-class chic, anyway -- the trucker hat of the new world order.

 
At 9:32 PM, Anonymous RSM said...

Leggings for men is not a new trend - one that's been around for years. It's time to get over the body image constraints and go for the comfort. Just wear them. Leggings are perfect casual wear for women AND men. Having worn leggings for years, I'm aware of people's comments both negative and very positive. After all, it’s not the leggings on the man but the man in the leggings. Everyone looks good in leggings and some people look great!
If more people, women and men, wear leggings then it will just be another apparel choice. At one time denim jeans were worn only by miners digging for gold. Now they are everywhere.
So never say never - when you do decide to wear leggings, choose a well made pair - not with cotton fibers that bag out over time but a high tech fiber that retains its shape. Go for the comfort and support. Leggings that go to the ankle look better than capri style that chop the leg. Plus the full length leggings support you from your ankle to your waist and give you an energetic lift. Laugh, Live, Love & Enjoy! Check out www.UnJeans.com
UnJeans Freedom Pants - clothes of the future and the future just started.

 

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