Hipster Style-Watch: How to Get a Leg (gings) Up on the Competition
According to this Yahoo! article last week, leggings for men are the new-must haves this winter. Meaning that for the first time post-Renaissance (or at least post-Renaissance Faire), males will be rocking leggings like they were Pat Benatar circa 1984. And everyone knows that if this trend does indeed take off, the first places to adopt the styles will be Silverlake and Williamsburg, two neighborhoods already perfectly suited to the trend with 97 percent of hipster females already wearing leggings.
But if I know these very hip and forward-thinking souls as well as I think I do, they're already looking beyond the next trend, already plotting things years into the future. With that in mind, here are my suggestions for the hipster fashion world after leggings get played out (I'm guessing three months).
1. The Kilt Think kilts are just for strange Scottish janitors and Mel Gibson? Guess again, my friend. Kilts are the wave of the future. Sure, men will inevitably love the smooth comfort of leggings in the winter, but how to stay fashionable come summer-time? The only solution is airing that shit out, Scotsman-style. Enjoy a pint of dark beer, feast on some succulent haggis, grow a bushy red-beard, all in the comfort of a plaid, terminally fashionable kilt. Think about Groundskeeper Willie for a minute. Do you know how many hipster chicks he'd get rocking such a fine beard AND a kilt. Before, he could tell them that he worked in "education," they'd already be taking off their striped shirts. And that too can be you, if you jump on the kilt trend early. If I were a betting man, I'd be buying stock here. Kilt Store.com is the new Google.
2. The Tu-Tu
You don't have to be paying attention to the Billboard Charts to see that Indie is "in" these days. And with "indie" groups like Swan Lake rising in notoriety, it'd be only natural for their die-hard fans to dress like ballerinas for Swan Lake performances. Plus, if leggings are already being worn, slapping on a nice puffy tu-tu is next logical extension. Come next Winter, expect to see venues from coast-to-coast packed with rocking the tu-tus like they were Vladimir Petrovich Begichev. Stellar! They're the new bubble-gooses. Don't sleep.
3. The Mu-Mu
Judging from the picture above, I'd say this trend has already begun. And for good reason. Things work in cycles and currently hipster fashion is mired in a cycle of skinny jeans and eensy-weensy ironic tees. That can't be good for circulation. So what better than a loose, free-flowing mu-mu, to show the world, "hey, look just because I'm a white dude at the Girl Talk show, don't think that I can't get down." If nothing else wearing a mu-mu tells the world you truly don't give a fuck. Ask Homer J. Simpson what he turned to when he found "pants" too confining. And if you don't think Homer J. Simpson was cool than you certainly won't be cool in anyone else's book. Get shopping.
4. The Sarong
Wake up people. India is the new America. In 50 years time, when Americans are drinking brawndo (because it has electrolytes!), India will have parlayed its vast population, natural resources and increasing number of Phds into a role as one of the world's greatest powers. So get started before the masses start trying to ape India's fine and sleek textiles. And where better to begin than the sarong, an ancient garment with a long and fabled history. And with Sisqo rumored to be on the comeback trail, what better than to hear his triumphant return anthem "The Sarong Song" with its accompany "sarong...so rong...thong thong!!!!. Ain't nothin' sarong with that. (I apologize, it is next to impossible not to make puns about sarongs.)
5. The Stove-Pipe Hat
Hipsters love hats. Whether its the derby, the Che Guevara Hat or the Badly Drawn Boy skully, one is none-too-fashionable without some sort of head gear. Accordingly, the next frontier of haberdashery can only be realized with a look back to our past. Specifically to our 16th president, Abraham "Ol' Stove-Pipes" Lincoln. Indeed, Lincoln may have been the prototypical hipster, what with his penchant for beards and blazers, not to mention his love of poetry,
abd his rail-thin build. What woman could resist you in a stove-pipe hat? How could she turn down such chic headgear that says "I am the great emancipator." Stick that in your stove-pipe and smoke it.