The Passion of the Weiss

Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. But most of the time, I don't rhyme.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Mark Foley Needs a Hot Boy

Over the past month, the nation has been riveted by the Mark Foley scandal, in which the former Republican congressman got himself in trouble for allegedly attempting to seduce young Congressional pages via IM. Most recently, two days ago The Washington Post reported that Foley made friends with a wide circle of teenaged House of Representatives pages, then singled out "hot boys " to write to. Naturally, the press has not given names of exactly who these "Hot Boys" were, but in a Passion of the Weiss exclusive, I've uncovered the identies of these Hot Boys, as well as new previously unreported IM messages between Foley and the four young Hot Boys who apparently go by the names: Juvenile, L'il Wayne, BG and Turk.

The first IM transcript contains a chat between Foley and the youngest member of the Hot Boys: L'il Wayne.

Maf54: So Wayne...can I call you Wayne?
Weezie16: How they do...this is L'il Weezie bitch...I'll leave you missin' like the fucking O' Bannon's.
Maf54: Fair enough L'il Weezie...so tell me...exactly how old are you.
Weezie16: Lil' Wayne in the twat have it hurtin and thumpin
They be like, "that n***ga small girl but he workin wit somethin"
Maf54: So you're small...I take it you're the youngest of the crew...perfect.
Weezie16: Lil' Wayne on fire...I'll smash on your boo before a hot girl bang
What's the matter with you?
Maf54: Nothing's the matter with me....nothing's the matter at all...so Weezie...tell me...are you a hot boy?
Weezie16: I like'em hot, the ones that don't tell me to stop.
Maf54: I'll take that as a yes. So tell me...are you horny?
Weezie16: It's time to slang dick and fuck a ho.
Maf54: lol.....so tell me...what you need boy?
Weezie16: I need a hot girl.
Maf54: Are you sure that's what you want...do you want boys?
Weezie16: I want a hot girl..brb.
Maf54: I am hard as rock.
Weezie16: I'm one egg short of an omelette.
Maf54: I like omelettes. Y'know what else I like. Oral sex. Y'know Weezie...if you're ever up in Washington you could always stay at my place. I'm always here, I'm always lonely, and I'm always up for oral sex.
Weezie16: I don't spit I vomit.
Maf54: Ooh....you don't spit...perfect.
Weezie16: I'll shoot you in your thigh and leg...
Maf54: mmm...you can shoot me anywhere you want.
Weezie16: I'll make you ketchup like mayonaise.
Maf54: Mayonaise? Is that what they call it in Magnolia....tell me more young man...tell me more.
Weezie 16 signed off at 4:54 a.m.

Juvenile: The Love of Mark Foley's Life?
While my sources could not verify whether or not Foley spoke with BG and Turk (has anyone spoken to them since 1999?), I was also enable to procure this IM conversation between the disgraced Florida congressman and the Hot Boy, Juvenile.

Maf54: So Juvenile...I must tell you I like your name...Juvenile...it's so naughty...haha...
Juvie69: You ain't scared ha...you know how to play it ha?
Maf54: Oh...I know how to play it haha...I know how to play it.
Juvie69: That's how you keep yo' old lady because you keep fuckin' her friends ha
Maf54: No, I don't have an old lady. Not quite. So tell me, Juvenile...how's my favorite young stud doing?
Juvie69: Shit ain't hard as it seems ha....you keep your body clean ha...you got a lot of Girbaud jeans ha...some of your partners dope fiends ha...you really don't want to fuck with them n***gaz ha.
Maf54: So you're wearing Girbaud jeans...um so a big bulge?
Juvie69: That dick got hard ha...when you were looking at them little broads ha...you don't know when to quit ha...that's you with that shot calling shit ha
Maf54: Well...I'd like to think that I call some of the shots. After all, I am a United States congressman...but enough about me....so tell me Juvenile...did you spank it this weekend?
Juvie69: I be slangin' wood yeah...out the hood yeah...let it be understand yeah...it's all good yeah.
Maf54: Slangin' wood you say? Love details.
Juvie69: I'm sweatin' in the drawers yeah....hard and long...yeah...wanna walk you like a dog yeah...break you off yeah...
Maf54: Do you really do it face down?
Juvie69: Get mine...you gonna' get yours yeah. That's for sure...yeah..
Maf54: Cute butt bouncing in the air.
Juvie69: Call me big daddy when you back that azz up.
Maf54: Ha ha...great visual...I may try that.

Maf54 signed off at 2:23:35 PM

Download
Hot Boys: "I Need a Hot Girl" (right-click, save as)
DJ Drama and L'il Wayne: "Cannon" (AMG Remix) (right-click, save as)

11 Comments:

At 5:04 AM, Blogger Ekko said...

pretty funny.

 
At 10:08 AM, Anonymous Bob Zillan said...

Weiss:

Just the title alone made me almost shoot Bolthouse Farm Mocha Cappuccino all over my computer at work!

You should do one with Mark Foley and Mike Jones. That would be hot! LOL. brb.

 
At 10:10 AM, Blogger stantonandorchard said...

brilliant

 
At 3:51 PM, Blogger Nate said...

Hilarious...

 
At 4:11 PM, Anonymous silawe said...

Wow.

 
At 4:50 PM, Blogger Duke said...

thanks for the hangover.

 
At 5:09 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

I do what I can.

 
At 9:03 PM, Anonymous 24 at last said...

L.O.L.

 
At 2:12 AM, Blogger Ian said...

Jeff took a Tom Breihan IM exchange with Lil' Wayne and turned it into this post. Lazy.

 
At 1:22 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/page/track_reviews/39331/Lil_Wayne_Stuntin_Like_My_Daddy_ft_Baby#39331

If only you werent right Ian...if only you werent right.

 
At 10:44 AM, Anonymous dp said...

Dope post!

This shiite was Gay Cash Money, not unlike this photo
http://mywebpages.comcast.net/ecko72db/ew.jpg

 

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