The Passion of the Weiss

Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. But most of the time, I don't rhyme.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Can't Truss It

For the last several days, I've been out of town, which means several things. First, I don't have to deal with the maniacal dancers and naked nose hair clippers at the freak show otherwise known as the Hollywood Gold's Gym. Two, I've been reminded of the fact that I don't necessarily hate the beache, just the filthy Southern California ones. And third, I've been watching a lot of television.

Indeed, you may have noticed that I rarely mention any television programs on this blog. In fact, other than Colbert Report, The Daily Show and Entourage, I don't watch anything else on the air. So it was pretty much news to me that Flavor Flav still had a show on the air. Sure, I'd heard about his turn on the Surreal Life, where he and Sly Stallone's ex-wife got "hot and heavy," to quote a certain Seinfeld episode. And I was reasonably aware that VH1 had given him a show called Flavor of Love. But little did I know, the aforementioned show would turn out to be a hit and would spawn a second season, which I had the misfortune of tuning into the other night.

Now I've never been a Public Enemy fan. I'm a little too young to have liked hip-hop during their heydey and I never really understood why a cracker like me would go out of his way to like a band like PE. After all, they never really struck me as liking white people all that much, and they especially didn't seem to be all that Jew friendly. To be perfectly, honest, If I'm going to like a ragingly anti-semetic artist, you best believe it would be Voltaire.

Voltaire: You Should Hear His Song "Louis XIV is a Joke." It's Shall We Say, Saucy.
But on some level, I'd always respected Public Enemy. Their lyrics were intelligent if ill-informed, they inspired many of my favorite artists and their style was clearly original. However, after watching an episode of Flavor of Love, it's safe to say that any goodwill they may have engendered in me was shot to pieces. Out of all the reality programs ever made, Flavor of Love might be the worst. Not only does Flavor Flav manage to ridicule himself in every scene (peep the Viking Hat if you don't believe me), but the dialogue might be the most patently absurd. In the episode, I watched Flav proclaimed his undying love for a woman named "Boots." Whether this was a play on the Shrek 2 character, Puss in Boots, remains uncertain.
Puss In Boots: Also the Name of a Forthcoming Movie Where Justin Timberlake Joins The Army
Either way, Flav is shocked when Boots tells him she won't sleep with him until marriage (which triggers the love declaration). Meanwhile, the show's directors try to play it off like Flav isn't just trying to sleep with Boots and instead is looking for a deep soulful romance, while dressing up like Erik the Red. The bottom line is as disgusted as I was watching this show which seems to prove everything Idiocracy warns against, I was more disgusted with Flav's lack of wit. How in God's name could he talk about sleeping with a woman named Boots and not mention once mention H-Town's epic song "Knockin' The Boots." C'mon Flav, where's your sense of history?

H-Town: Presumably, Advertising A Safe Driving Campaign
At any rate, Flavor of Love aside, my "Please for the Love of God Go See Idiocracy Campaign" is picking up steam as Skeet on Mischa makes some outstanding points about the film and Mike Judge's future in filmmaking. Not to mention, Crock Tock also turned in an excellent review of the film as well.

I'd write more but I'm in a Cambria Internet cafe that's charging $3 for a half hour, offending my religious (read Jewish) sensibilities, so on that note, I must go. However, if you're still bored and craving more of these so-called film reviews, I have a review up of The Protector, now up on Stylus. While it might not approach the genius of Idiocracy, The Protector was damned entertaining as well. If you like kung fu flicks, you won't be disappointed by this one.


At 6:37 PM, Blogger Nate said...

Funny, because I caught some of flavor of love while I was in Hawaii and had similar thoughts. I can't believe that people actually waste precious seconds of their lives watching that kind of crap!

Word Verification: Jwhsh (yes, yes Weiss is Jewish)

At 8:06 PM, Blogger David said...

I found your captions to be particularly funny. I believe you have the talent to write witty captions for Maxim, Stuff, King, or one of those other jerk off magazines. You have the talent...but do you have the drive?

At 1:50 AM, Blogger Ian said...

You know, Chuck D's defenses against being an anti-Semite always seemed somewhat reasonable...until he fronted a nu-metal band called CONFRONTATION CAMP. Unlike Professor Griff's comments, there's no way that can be taken "out of context."

Nonetheless, you have to respect Public Enemy, if for no other reason than the fact that they were never as overtly racist as dead prez. Plus, "She Watch Channel Zero" is the easiest song to agree with in the history of rap.


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