The Blu Blocker Conspiracy
For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Nate Jones (aka Jones on the NBA). Mr. Weiss was crazy enough to trust me to manage his blog while he is away road tripin’ with Air Thug (aka Crock Talk).
Anyhow, I have been waiting for a stage to vent my anger/frustration/sadness over a certain pop culture tragedy that has been over looked for years. And as we all know, there is no better place to spew sarcastic/cynical venom than the Passion of the Weiss. What tragedy might I be speaking of, you ask? The Blu Blocker Tragedy, of Course.
For those of you that don’t know what blu blockers are, let me hip you to a little bit of the company's history (via the blu blocker website):
BluBlocker® had its start in 1986. It was a bright, sunny day in Los Angeles. Joseph Sugarman, President of JS&A Group Inc., a consumer electronics marketing company, was driving in a car with a salesman. They were going to see a new electronics product for Sugarman's catalog.
Noticing that Sugarman was squinting, the salesman suggested he put on a pair of sunglasses he happened to have in the car. Sugarman did and commented, "Wow! What kind of sunglasses are these?"
The salesman said that the sunglasses were from the space program, and that the lenses were like those used by American astronauts. Only a few pairs of these unique sunglasses were ever made! Sensing an interesting story and a great product opportunity, Sugarman got the name of the manufacturer. Later, he received the rights to sell the sunglasses to the general public. The rest is history.
Sugarman created some of the most innovative and memorable infomercial programs in the history of the new medium, and sold over 8 million pairs of sunglasses in a few short years.
Today, 20 million pairs have been sold, and millions of people worldwide are wearing BluBlockers® sunglasses to protect their eyes against the dangerous UV and blue spectrum light waves.
Well, that’s not the entire story. The creators of this little blurb forgot to mention that the main driving force behind the sales of these blu blockers was a Venice Beach rapper by the name of Dr. Geek. If you have ever lived in Los Angeles, you’re probably very familiar with Geek. He’s pretty much as well known as Crazy Robertson.
Geek was a sombrero wearing MC without a record deal that made a living flowing to patrons along the Venice Beach Boardwalk and along Hollywood Blvd. Geek became a worldwide phenomenon on the day that the Blu Blocker crew decided to shoot an infomercial for their product at Venice Beach. Along with convincing patrons to give some great on camera reviews about their blu blockers, they also were able to convince Dr. Geek to flow on camera about his blu blockers. Dr. Geek’s flow would become the foundation of the blu blocker marketing campaign. Anyone who has watched late night infomercials has probably seen this flow.
Here’s a transcript of Geek’s Blu Blocker Free Style Rhyme:
“Alright now, I’m real fast,
Let me tell you what I think and this shall come to pass,
My name is ‘Geek’ I put ‘em on as a shocker,
Man, I love… these Blu Blockers,
Everything is clear, they block out the sun,
Oh yeah, I gotta get me some,
Everything is groovy now no bull in my speech,
This is what I do up and down Venice Beach,
My name is ‘Geek’ I’m more than a hip-hopper,
and I’ll be chic in my BluBlockers,
Yeah, know what I mean,
Everything is groovy, do you know what I mean?
I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee,
Yep, these blockers are OK with me,
Yeah, see? It’s a fact,
My blockers, yeah, they go with my hat,
What more can I say, ahh, they are so nice,
These are the words that I love to spice,
Everything is great, now I must speak,
Blu Blockers, yeah, are for Dr. Geek,
So there ya have it folks, out there in TV land,
Get ya some glasses, that are sweep’n the land,
Remember what I said, now I’m a hip-hopper,
Yeah, go get ya some Blu Blockers, uh!
Nahh, yep it’s sweet,
I’ll see ya later, I gotta make some money on the beach”
For those of you that haven’t seen this infomercial, please take a look at the video evidence (God I love You Tube!):
This video is classic in so many ways. First, check out Dr Geek's outfit. Second, peep the token brotha in the background nodding his head. Lastly, check the random white hand that comes in and asks for the pair of blu blockers back from Geek. THEY DIDN’T EVEN LET HIM KEEP A FREE PAIR OF BLU BLOCKERS!
Think about this: Blu Blockers became a world wide phenomenon, and mostly because of this very rap. Do you think they actually paid geek adequately for his flow? I didn’t think so.
I’m sure at the time neither Geek nor the makers of the blu blockers knew how his rap would turn these simple shades into a worldwide phenomenon. But now don’t you think it would only be fitting for the founder of blu blockers to cut MC Geek in on a little of the profits? I mean, from what I hear, Geek isn’t looking that good these days. My sources tell me that he has pretty much completely given up on his old Venice beach stage and that he spends most of his days trying to entertain tourists along Hollywood Blvd. He’s even given up on his sombrero and taken to wearing a court jester hat. Just sad.
So listen up all of you desperate to be ironic hipsters. Next time you go into Walgreens to pick up a shnazzy pair of blu blockers, think about Dr. Geek, and think about the injustice that was done to him. Despite the endless amount of hipster ass that these glasses will surely get you when you head out to Cinespace on Tuesday nights, just remember that by purchasing a pair of blu blockers, you're pretty much placing a slap upon the face of a Venice Beach legend. And that would just be wrong man...just wrong!