The Passion of the Weiss

Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. But most of the time, I don't rhyme.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

What's Eating Matisyahu Caption Contest

Somewhere in my Internet travels, I stumbled across this photo of Matisyahu and his weed carriers. Never before have I seen a picture that needed captioning more.

So faithful readers, please comment and enter my what's eating Matisyahu caption contest. It's sort of like What's Eating Gilbert Grape with way less DiCaprio and way more religious fundamentalism.

The winner will receive a free bowl (no ceramics) and my eternal comedic respect.

To start things off, here's my entry:

"So the Epic A&R walks into the room, takes one look at me and says, 'Matisyahu, I like the whole reggae white guy act, but do you really have to wear all these Meshugga clothes? So you know what I did? I looked back at him and I said, "but sir...that's the entire point." All he could say back was two words: Mazel and Tov."


At 9:04 AM, Anonymous Yo Yo Mama said...

"Don't worry about it, man. My grandmother said Jews make good husbands, she'll be back."

At 9:40 AM, Anonymous Zilla said...

"Dude I just met Yung Joc at the Bad Boy tent and he gave this dope tortilla."

At 10:52 AM, Blogger Kyle said...

Matisyahu: "Watch yourself man, do you know if that shit is kosher? Quick, go ask Scott Storch.

Weed Carrier: "Isn't he producing your new single?"

Matisyahu:"You can bet your kippah on it"

WC:"What's it called again?"

Matis: "Challah back. Jewish party anthem, na mean?"

WC: "mazel tov"

At 2:41 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

The idea of Scott Storch and Matisyahu is an alliance so unholy it's brilliant. Those two need a sitcom desperately. Something with the tagline...when you two wild and crazy Jews move in together...hijinks ensue

At 3:20 PM, Anonymous hebrew school dropout said...

So, Weed Carrier #1 (yarmulke, not hat) says to Matisyahu: I was out running errands this week and I met the hottest chick at the Judaica store.

Weed Carriers #2 and #3:
The Judaica store! Geez. We love those beautiful menorahs you got us last year for the 6th night of Channuka. They were really beautiful. I mean, such quality.

Matisyahu: Yeah, I really like mine too. It's my favorite of the 12,057 menorahs that I own. (For some reason people keep sending me judaica as fan mail.)

Weed Carrier #2: So, Weed Carrier #1, er...Shlome, what happened with the chick at the store?

Weed Carrier #3: Did you tell her you work for a rock star?

Weed Carrier #1: Fo sheez. I said to her, bubbela, I'm the coolest guy in shul. I know you wanna touch my tallis. Go ahead, baby, touch it. She did. And then we spent an amazing Saturday walking to services and not turning on any lights or other appliances.

Matisyahu: Mazel tov. But I'm going to need that tallis back from you. It's part of my schtick, and I'm on in 20. Gotta be irrestistable you know. Nothing says "sex machine" like peyas and a tallis.

Weed Carrier #1: That's EXACTLY what the girl at the Judaica store said before she sold me my new Seder plate! It's dope. You've never seen a karpas holder like this before!

At 3:28 PM, Anonymous Orthochick said...

"The wierd thing about being famous and orthodox is that you can't really enjoy all the bitches and ho's that want you. (And I know I AM irresistable in this outfit.)

"I mean, you could, but you would have to do it through a sheet and all, so you can't even appreciate the change. Plus, washing all those sheets -- such a production! No thanks. I'm just happy with the warm touch of this pita."

At 5:49 PM, Blogger Nate said...

Matisyahu: "Tortilla! What the fuck is this? Do I look like I enjoy the taste of Tortillas. I need me some Manischewitz Matzos asap! Fucking weed cariers...Can't do anything right."

At 10:14 PM, Anonymous politigal said...

"You know, normally I'm a pita sort of man, but things being what they are, I'll take this tortilla. After all, the line between pita and tortilla is pretty thin. (And not just because both are deliciously light flat bread creations.) I mean, Mexico and the Middle East are awfully similar -- both are third world-type places that the current George's administration can't seem to get things quite right with. Both are sending people to America to mess with us -- on the one hand to blow stuff up, and on the other hand to manufacture new stuff really, really cheaply. (Do I smell a conspiracy theory? Mmmmm...half-baked paranoia.)

If America keeps up the good work, maybe the Middle East and Mexico will come together in the American melting pot to create something truly new and beautiful. Now pass me the hummus and salsa."

At 1:12 AM, Blogger Joey said...

"While we eat, guys, a couple of questions. And be honest; I can handle it. First, do 'brollic' and 'talis' sound enough alike? And second, if I make that Dip Set diss record and rhyme 'Jim and Juelz, you just some Cam'ron bitches/Wearing denim skirts, pushing strollers, and eatin' knishes,' will they know what I'm saying?"

At 9:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

At 9:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 11:38 AM, Blogger Commish CH said...

"Yo man, did you just get back from the ZZ Top audition?"

At 9:37 AM, Blogger bellerophon said...

wanna find out some more about eaton and bol...come visit me

At 4:39 AM, Blogger Wad said...

"Hey, Schmuey, how my favorite homeslice be, yaw?"


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