The Madness of King George

Most interestingly, Bush's decision to create the protected area came after watching a movie that no one had ever heard of, specifically one made by the man pictured below: Jean-Michel Cousteau.

But according to Passion of the Weiss sources buried deep inside the Bush White House, this isn't the first film that Bush has watched in the oval office. In fact, Bush is reputed to be the quite the film buff.
At first, I was dumbstruck. After all, it was quite the coincidence that both President Bush and I happened to like movies. Hoping this similarity might spark a friendship, I e-mailed 43 (as he now likes me to call him) to ask if there were any other movies that had impacted him recently. And what do you know, he jumped at this opportunity to reveal himself to a blog, compiling an impressive list of films that moved him, yet didn't make the cut for changing United States law. Huzzah.
What Didn't Cut The Mustard (I Like Mustard) By George W. Bush
10. Titanic

I liked the Billy Zane actor the best. He reminded me of myself as a boy. Young, strong, rich and always willing to shove a person or two or three out of a lifeboat. Every man for himself, heh heh heh.
It made me think quite a bit, not about that tragic wreck of a sinking ship steered by an inept captain, but about what I'd do if I was stranded at sea and had to swim for my life. I told myself that I'd think optimistically, after all pessimism never created a job. That satisfied me. Still, I asked Karl if there was something we could do about all these so-called "ice-bergs." He told me there wasn't. I don't like icebergs. Not one bit. I actually asked some of the generals if they thought it was a good idea to fire a few rockets at the icebergs. Just to give 'em a good scare. They didn't think it was a good idea either.
I'll get them back one day for what they did to Billy Zane. I've already started. And when all the ice bergs melt, and by God I'll see to it that they do, you can tell them that George Bush is responsible for their downfall.
9. Teen Wolf

But ultimately, I liked that Styles boy the best. He was a perfect example of capitalism working at it's finest. He was ready in a heartbeat to sell Teen Wolf t-shirts, posters, buttons, you name it. Anything to make a buck. He reminded me of some good friends I had back home. Anything that reminds me of Texas is good. Don't mess with Texas.
For a while there, I considered a law against the harassment of teenage werewolves. I didn't like how that principal, Rusty. He gave Teen Wolf a hard time. It was un-American of him. But before I moved, I took a Gallup poll. Turns out that there aren't all that many teenaged werewolves. Who knew? And I can't risk, not playing to the base.
8. Easy Rider

The ended of the film was a downer. I didn't want to see anyone get hurt. Then again, they did deal drugs, drugs will cause the corruption of the youth. Then again, if someone had to get hurt, I'm glad when it's a hippy. I'd like to make a law against hippies, but I was advised against it. After all, if Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon couldn't do it, the odds were against me. Oh well, I'll just spend a few more billion on fighting the drug war. Bring it on, hippies. Bring it on.
7. Stripes

6. South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

I could tell that the film's creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, understood the true meaning of evil: Sadamn Hussein. And you know how the old saying. the enemy of my enemy is my pal. I The South Park movie sent out a positive message that good will ultimately triumph over evil. Sadamn, Satan and the insurgency can and will be defeated. Praise the lord.
And I've got to admit, I laughed pretty hard when Sadamn whipped out that fake penis when he was in bed with Satan. Reminded me of a story, Rummy once told me when he went to Baghdad.

5. Rocky IV

(editor's note: this is probably true)
This movie got me worked up, but good. After watching the movie, I called Vladimir, or Pootie-Poot as I like to call him, and started screaming a whole lot about how much glasnost turned out to suck for the Russians.
Let's just say he wasn't so happy about the phone call. Did you know the Russians still have hundreds of nuclear weapons in their arsenal? I sure as hell didn't. Needless to say, he and I aren't speaking right now. Don't tell the liberal media.
4. Batman

Plus, I loved that Prince song, Batdance. Upbeat. I like Prince. He's a man of faith.
The most important thing I got from this film is a new nickname for Vice President. I used to call him "big-time," but know I've got a much better nick-name for him: The Joker.



2. National Lampoon's Animal House

Animal House is one of my all-time favorite films. I get nostalgic every time I get to the end of the film and it mentions how Bluto Blutarsky went onto become a senator. That's the kind of free-thinker we could use in the Senate. Just walking past the Senate bores me to tears.
1. An Incovenient Truth

Actually, we put the film on mute, then we made up imagined dialogue that Al Gore was supposedly. It was like that Mystery Science Theater show, except there weren't any robots. I wish.
And when I say that we made up dialogue for the film, I really meant that we just talked about how I'll be a two-term president and Al Gore will never ever serve to one. The whole thing made me feel pretty good. The Joker and Rummy agreed. We're gonna' do it again this weekend. Maybe we'll even invite that Cousteau fellow, even if he is French.
13 Comments:
What? No porn for Wubbya?
I feel like "Smokey and the Bandit" would be among his favorites, too.
Wubbya couldn't watch porn. What would James Dobson think? He definitely LOVES Smokey and the Bandit. And probably the sequels too.
Paris Hilton has the number 5 song on Itunes. I'm telling you, I'm too steps away from Al Queda.
Dear god...
Hotel Rwanda so deeply touched Bush that he watched it twice. Made him want to save Darfur, or something. Also, don't forget that Jack Nicholson played an ACLU lawyer in Easy Rider, I'm sure Bush loved watching him get clubbed to death by rednecks.
He definitely loves Top Gun too. A maverick up against faceless evil doers that are trying to bomb us somewhere in the middle east? Throw in a few uncomfortable and slightly homoerotic locker room scenes, some heavy drinking and wild karaoke, tough talk, and almost not graduating from school, and you basically have the story of his life.
That, plus a father that actually accomplished something more than blowing up a few Arabs in the sky over the gulf and pissing off his colleagues.
I guess the years of coke and binge drinking blocked out his memory of Easy Rider. Hasn't he said that he used to love to party in New Orleans? The lady doth protest too much.
I'd recommend Bubba Ho-Tep to him.
I don't know about Top Gun. As arguably the most homoerotic movie ever, outside of whatever home video Jim Jones and Juelz Santana have made, it might make Bush upset as he felt his marriage being degraded.
It's a definite talent to keep a reader's interest after having to scroll so g-d damn much. Propers.
ROCKY4 - Not my favorite but becuz of the Sly-factor, I'll watch it. What about the rest of the ROCKY's?? Have you followed all of 'em? Can't wait for #6! Can you believe it?!? That man is AMAZING!!
WE LOVE YA, ROCK!!
man you go on forever. spare us. ATROCIOUS!
Wow, anonymous...it must be so hard to be you, HAVING to read a blog provided for you for free. There's a very simple solution: don't read my blog. Seriously. It takes a very brave man to anonymously comment on a blog. You should be proud of yourselves. Kudos to you, sir.
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