The Passion of the Weiss

Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. But most of the time, I don't rhyme.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

The Other Crazy Robertson

About 60 some odd years ago, the famed Los Angeles historian Carey McWilliams dropped this bit of knowledge about my home city: "this lovely place, cuckoo land, is corrupted with an odd community giddiness. Nowhere else do eccentrics flourish in such close abundance."

He was right then and he's right now, as any glance through this asphalt jungle reveals an assortment of wack-jobs, buffoons, poseurs and its fair share of wack-job buffoon poseurs. To be blunt, people in LA are fucking nuts. What other city on earth could serve as the headquarters of such avarice-minded cults as Scientology, Kaballah, Dr. Gene Scott, and Ryan Seacrest? Nowhere.

But in the annals of LA history, no eccentric figure looms as large as Crazy Robertson, perhaps the funkiest white man since Marc Bolan . Now my Los Angeles readers know exactly who I'm talking about, but when my non-Angeleno reading contigent hears the name "Crazy Robertson," they inevitably think of Crazy Pat Robertson, the evangelical firebrand, veteran rabble-rouser, and latest Sony BMG signed rapper.

Who is this Crazy Robertson, you're inevitably thinking and why should I care? Well, Crazy Robertson is the man pictured above, a man thought to be homeless who rollerblades through Los Angeles in a variety of insane outfits that could best be described by using the rarely used adjective: kooky. Sometimes, he goes shirtless, sometimes he does not. The central constant in Crazy Robertson's sartorial style is his burning desire to wear black spandex pants at all times and to be on a pair of roller blades.

The legend of Crazy Robertson is shrouded in mystery and all most people know about Crazy Robertson is that he loves Robertson Blvd. in West Los Angeles and he loves to dance. Yes, that's right: the man has moves.

My friend Jeff Cowan best described the euphoric state that Crazy Robertson is in every day as he zips past the trendy boutiques on Robertson Blvd..

"You know how sometimes you'll see someone dancing and you'll be like, wow, that person has 'the funk'. Well, Crazy Robertson has the funk all the time. Every single day of the year."

Its really a sight to be seen, watching this homeless (?) man, bust out all sorts of maniacal hand-jives, twists, stretches, and gyrations while wearing a big set of headphones and roller-blading down the most "sceney" street in all of Los Angeles, while boutique women stare at him aghast and nearly drop their bags filled with $800 shoes. It's amazing.

But who is Crazy Robertson, what are his motivations, his passions, why does he have the "funk" so badly and why of all places must he haunt the boutiques on Robertson Blvd. That my friends is the subject of deep mystery and conjecture.

It is well-documented anecdotally that Crazy Robertson has been busting moves on Robertson Blvd., since at least the 1970s. A variety of rumors have been have floated around the man. The first and most popular was that he was a minor league baseball player who received a major signing bonus and was headed for the bigs until he developed a mind-shattering case of schizophrenia which led him to dance and roller skate each day down Robertson (keep in mind, he has never been known to beg for money).

Another rumor theorizes that he is professional wrestler Randy "Macho Man" Savage's brother and for all of these years the Macho Man has been funnelling money to his mentally deranged sibling. Don't be so quick to dismiss such rumors. Take a look at this photo of the Macho Man and you tell me he doesn't look like Crazy Robertson. In fact, Crazy Robertson also resembles the Macho Man's brother, another professional wrestler, "The Genius" Leaping Lanny Poffo. (side-note: why in God's name did the Genius try to burnish his heterosexual and manly credentials by bringing frisbees with poetry written on them. Flinging frisbees with poetry to a crowd? C'mon, Leaping Lanny Poffo. We all know the truth.)

Indeed, a great many mysteries are raised by the question of Crazy Robertson. Ones that probably never will be answered. I hadn't seen him in at least a year until I drove past him this morning, still in that same spot on Robertson Blvd., still permanently in possession of "the funk."

But I think there is something more to the Crazy Robertson saga. After all why have the cops never brought him to the looney bin? How is he allowed to just dance and roller blade all day long on Robertson Blvd., without any store owners kicking him off their property? How does he have money if he doesn't pan-handle? Sadly, these puzzles may never be solved. But what doesn't remain unanswered is that Los Angeles is filled with crazies, freaks, and charlatans. Yet Crazy Robertson is only two out of the three. He is no charlatan. In fact, seeing him today made me a little comforted. No matter, how much my life changes or how old I get, I know that like clockwork, I can drive by Robertson Blvd. at about 11:00 a.m. and see the same bearded hobo doing his best imitation of John Travolta in Saturday Night fever, right in front of a woman wearing a Rolex Watch and a Pearl necklace. And that my friends is why Los Angeles is the most amazing city on this planet. And that my friends is my friends is reason 1,432 why I need to move.

22 Comments:

At 7:36 PM, Blogger Nate said...

Yeah he has definitely been around since the 70s because my dad remembers him back when he was in high school. My dad also seems to think he has money, because he always has clean clothes, he never begs for money, and his boom box seems to be pretty kick ass. Do the Math. LMAO of about the Genius/Macho Man reference. The Genius would always get his ass kicked. Probably the worst wrestling schtick ever. His brother made millions of dollars dropping elbow drops and selling slim jims, while leaping lanny ended up the Genius. It's enough to drive a man crazy. As in Crazy Roberstons. Oh the days when I would wake up and Watch WWF superstars on fox on Saturday Morn... It was a simple time...

 
At 2:11 AM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

I was a Monday Night Prime Time Wrestling man myself.

 
At 1:47 PM, Blogger Joey said...

Jeff, you're usually right-on, but all discussions of crazy Robertsons need to begin with Alvin. Nate should have my back on this:

http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/metro/stories/MYSA033006.03B.ex_spur_charge.1420b1d.html

 
At 2:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 2:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 2:33 PM, Anonymous Sandro the Conqueror said...

Nice Story. Almost makes me want to pack my bags and go back LA....

 
At 3:02 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

it's funny I used to play basketball card games with the 89-90 Fleer basketball card set, as in which player could take on all the other players based on their points, rebounds and assist stats projected over a 48 minute game. Alvin Robertson used to kick ass because he was so well-rounded. Although, now I realize he was a little more well-rounded than I thought even then.

 
At 3:59 PM, Anonymous Steven said...

Rumor has it that Crazy Robertson has family money, from where I do not know, and he also has a place to live. I actually saw him about a month back with no skates on and I was devastated. I'm glad he got back on that horse. His moves just aren't the same without wheels. One of us (read: someone other than me because he seems stark raving mad) should probably talk to him one time and get is story. Or maybe we should all just get him a card thanking him for the goodtimes.

 
At 4:05 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

But who to do it? And can we be subtle enough to put it on youtube and be the next video sensation...I have a feeling this one could eclipse the fat kid trying to be a jedi on camera. I actually don't feel bad if he was money and a place to live. At that point it just becomes awesome.

 
At 4:26 PM, Blogger Joey said...

Yeah, the dude could play. As a Knicks fan, I am conditioned to partially fear all players that aren't from New York because they will inevitably have the greatest moments at the expense of the Brickerbockers. I never got that with Robertson, though; I just respected him. And that was part of his insidious effectiveness.

 
At 7:41 PM, Blogger Satisfied '75 said...

hey man, I am SO bummed now that I missed Arthurfest after reding your comment about the Black Keys. My loss!

 
At 8:10 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

No worries. It was kind of expensive for what it was though I'm still bummed I missed out on 2. I hadn't even heard any Spoon for some reason. Now they're one of my favorite bands. The worst part is I live walking distance from Barnsdale Park. I blew that one bad.

 
At 9:24 PM, Anonymous Megan said...

I am from Los Angeles and until I read this, I had never heard of Crazy Robertson. But man oh man.

 
At 5:12 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

All I have to say is go to the corner of Robertson and Burton Way and you will see some magic. This weekend I saw Crazy Robertson getting down to Prince.

 
At 7:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 6:00 PM, Anonymous Mr.1derful said...

robertson & san vicente! i've seen him get yelled @ by the antique shop owners. i think he thinks he's a ballerina. regardless he's L.A. OG like the turban-guitar dude on Venice beach & the legend himself DR.GEEK!! whom i've seen twice in Hollywood in the past 2 weeks. Damn, I need a mixtape drop from that dude.

 
At 10:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 1:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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It's not available everywhere, so go to the site and put
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At 10:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very nice! I found a place where you can
make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
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At 1:01 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

Who is this Dr. Geek and where can I find him?

 
At 2:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I work within one of the boutiques on Robertson. That man has a name...Jermaine. He is from money, schizophrenic, but is a rather nice guy. He is just living the way he wants to live and doesn't care what people think...

 
At 4:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i see him all the time -- last few times he was in the alley on a cell phone talking business -- he must have money and he must have some kind of issues that nobody can really answer

 

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