The Passion of the Weiss

Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. But most of the time, I don't rhyme.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Link Up, Bitch

I know what you're thinking. Two blogs in one day. This is sheer lunacy. But I had good reason for this madness. No, not syphillis, but good call. Actually, the reason why I'm posting twice today is for Monday is President's day and in honor of the holiday, I'm participating in a President's Day parade. I'm dressing up as William McKinley and will get faux-assasinated by a crazed anarchist. As you may have imagined, I'm only joking. The truth is that I lost out in a bid to play McKinley. Instead I drew Polk. What a fucking gyp.

So on Monday while you're going crazy wondering what you'll do without your Passion of the Weiss blog fix, I highly recommend hitting up some of the links that I have on the side of this page, particularly the very eloquent and similarly rap-infused Straight Bangin', Sexy Results and Jones on the NBA blogs. You will not be disappointed. And if you are, you prolly should seek therapy or move to a tropical paradise where you can be isolated from those of us who have taste (of course, I'm only joking people...partially)

At any rate, here are this week's links, sure to make you a superstar of all dinner parties that you crash this weekend and fill you up full of so much knowledge that even Lindsay Lohan will be envious of your intellect (and she is a tough cookie to please, let me tell you, the ancient Greeks spoke of Socrates in much the same way that I speak of La Lo [insert corruption of the youth joke here]).

Britney Spears has told People magazine that she craves the spotlight and is eager to get back onstage after a year-and-a-half marriage-and-maternity leave. This sort of reminds me of when you're a little kid and your parents don't think you should know that your dog is dead, so they construct an elaborate series of lies to protect you. But since I'm a complete jerk, I'll be the one to break the news to Britney. Your career is OVER. You are married to Kevin Federline. Your best bet is try to be in the video for the remix of Popozao because nobody will ever buy one of your CD's again. All I have to say for you Britney is do you remember this face? (click here) . Neither do I. Get used to it.

According to this article Paris Hilton says she wants to go on "Celebrity Love Island." Of course, if by celebrity love island she meant, "do about eight lines of blow in the bathroom of a Hollywood club and fuck the drummer from Maroon 5,while a member of the Backstreet Boys videotapes it" then I'd say that the odds are pretty good that she's got a first-class ticket waiting for her.

Speaking of Hilton, this director wants to cast her to play Mother Theresa in a biopic. Because obviously nothing says "missionary" like Paris Hilton.

A polygamous community is rocked by a series of severe birth defects that are occurring to children in the area. Of course, this is all the stupid propaganda coming from you liberals, trying to impose all your liberal Hollywood ideas on the good conservative people of Utah (after all they did vote for Bush in higher percentages than any other state). I still believe in polygamy, Utah citizens, don't let anyone tell you any differently.

In light of the incendiary cartoons from Denmark that have sparked riots throughout the Muslim world, Iranians have resorted to calling Danish pastries, "roses of the prophet Mohammed." Additionally, the government also announced that they will call nuclear weapons, "super happy fun toys," and the Holocaust, "lilacs blooming in the gorgeous Springtime."

Michael Bay has been brought on to produce the next "Friday the 13th" film. The "Rock" and "Pearl Harbor" director plans to improve the series by having Freddy Krueger be played by Ben Affleck. Bay commented that the part of Krueger will also be re-written: "Freddy ain't gonna' kill people in their dreams anymore, rather he'll kill people by dropping extra-sweet cluster bombs on them. Bay added, "Fuck yeah. Explosions rule!!"

Here are pictures of Tony Danza's daughter getting high and kissing a girl. I attribute this mainly to the fact that it must have been very confusing to watch her dad live a double-life as a maid who wore an apron. In fact, I'm still tramautized from that program. Who was the Boss? Was it Tony? Was it Angela? Your thoughts please.

Myspace users are now able to buy Myspace Cell Phones. Rupert Murdoch already has three of them! Hurry up and get yours while supplies last! All the cool kids are doing it!!

According to comments that Chris Martin made at the Brit Awards, the band Coldplay may split up. Martin was quoted as saying, "to be honest, It's gotten quite hard to write songs about how unhappy I am now that I'm worth $100 million and I'm sleeping with Gwyneth Paltrow. Life's pretty good these days. I really have nothing to complain about. I mean at this point in time, who would really want to hear about how depressed I am?"

Check it out...trolls!!! Once again, I repeat, check it out trolls!!! (if you hadn't noticed, I'm easily amused)

Merry President's Day....And if you see a drunken James Polk wandering the streets say "Hello" and don't believe the propaganda. He was a damned fine president. Stupid Abe Lincoln. He just had to overshadow him what with his oh-so-sexy stovepipe hat and calm demeanor. Not like I'm jealous or anything.

3 Comments:

At 7:37 PM, Anonymous a lee said...

I'm hoping you will honor your tradition this year of wearing a Richard Nixon mask all day on presidents day.
If you choose not to, i just might lose all faith in humanity.

 
At 9:17 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

Nixon is so passe...Warren G. Harding is what all the cool kids are wearing this year.

 
At 7:49 PM, Blogger amphimacer said...

Chester Chester Chester Alan Arthur!

 

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