The Passion of the Weiss

Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. But most of the time, I don't rhyme.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

1939-1945: A Time of Limitless Sunshine and Ice Cream


Mel Gibson knows Jews like he knows the back of his hand. After all, how else could he have been qualified to have made “The Passion of the Christ,” a film about the most famous Hebrew to ever grace the face of the earth (and no, I’m not talking about Franz Kafka, but good guess).

Now, it seems he’s turning his cinematic attention to another seminal moment in the happy go-lucky history of the Jewish people: the holocaust. Sure all the naysayers want to hate on Mel Gibson and his father Hutton (yes my friends, his father’s name is Hutton) just because good ol’ Hutton has a penchant for making wacky remarks that the Holocaust never happened.

“Mr. Gibson's father, Hutton Gibson, has repeatedly denied that the Holocaust happened, saying before the release of "Passion of the Christ," for example, that accounts of the Holocaust were mostly "fiction" and asserting that there were more Jews in Europe after World War II than before. Mel Gibson has declined to disassociate himself clearly from his father's views, according to Rafael Medoff, director of the David S. Wyman Institute for Holocaust Studies in Melrose Park, Pa., and the author of an annual study of Holocaust denial.”

Apparently, they weren’t able to get a direct quote from Hutton Gibson saying “Holocaust schmolocaust….sure, a couple people died, but that’s what people do, they die. So fucking what?”

Of course, you’re asking yourself, why would a broadcast network want to court controversy by allowing allegedly anti-Semitic Mel Gibson to make a Holocaust film? Naturally, I have an answer and I’ll give you a hint, it involves blood-sucking entertainment executives who would sell their souls in order to avoid living in Agoura-Fucking-Hills.

Quinn Taylor, ABC's senior vice president in charge of movies for television, acknowledged that the attention-getting value of having Mr. Gibson attached to a Holocaust project was a factor.
"Controversy's publicity, and vice versa," Mr. Taylor said.


Now the article claims that a script isn’t expected until spring, but luckily I have obtained an extra top secret sample copy of the script that no one is allowed to read, save for the extremely well-informed readers of the Passion.

Ext—A verdant village in Eastern Europe. Springtime is here in all of its splendor, trains are whizzing by, but mysteriously we cannot see who is riding them, the world seems perfect and golden. The sun is beaming brilliantly on a meadow blooming with outrageous color and light. And we meet JACOB STEINMAN and his friend ARNOLD GOLDFARB. They both wear spiffy well-pressed tuxedos and blinding white smiles. Their grooming is impeccable. JACOB begins speaking to ARNOLD.

Jacob: “So, I’ve been hearing some strange things from my cousins in Germany. They’re telling me that the Nazi’s are slaughtering all of the Jewish people. But I don’t believe it for a minute.”

Arnold: “I don’t blame you. You can’t trust a thing those Jews say. I’m Jewish myself and I don’t trust a damn thing out of my mouth.”

Jacob: “How could that Adolph Hitler kill the Jews. He’s so good-looking with his mustache.”

Arnold: “You can always trust a man with a mustache.”

Jacob: “True story. Let’s get some ice cream.”

Arnold: “My word, that’s a fabulous idea. Let’s never talk about this whole holocaust thing again.”

Jacob: “Indubitably, my friend. Indubitably.”

JACOB and ARNOLD link arms and began skipping off into the sunset to purchase some undoubtedly delicious ice cream cones. Fade out.

And that my friends is a fine Holocaust film. Take note, Hollywood. Take note. History has a new master and his name is Gibson. Mel…Gibson.

2 Comments:

At 1:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You, sir, are a master baiter-of-the-far-right.

I'm truly impressed.

I am over on my space here's the URL if you want to read MY blogs, but I came upon your blog through the blog of a likewise-cynical person on myspace. And if you want to be in my 'top 8' you can be, anytime.
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At 8:08 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

I am intrigued by your cynicism and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. Nice work on your blog, by the way. ANd thank you for reading my inane and underdeveloped thoughts. Please spread the word if possible, I'm hoping to one day take over the world and drown it in my venom.

 

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