The Passion of the Weiss

Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. But most of the time, I don't rhyme.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Debra Lafave Freed: Junior High Schoolers Rejoice

Apparently, I've been hiding under a rock for the past year, or have been supremely high and lacking in any sort of attention span (or perhaps a little of column A and a little of Column B), and had only heard of this case vaguely.

The woman pictured above, a 25-year old teacher named Debra Lafave slept with a 14-year old boy last year who was in her class. Apparently, things began to get hot and heavy after a class trip to SeaWorld (insert joke here).

My point and I acknowledge that it is a rather obvious one: why are the teachers that sleep with their students so unbelievably hot. It's ridiculous. This woman is unquestionably beautiful. Oh, and by the way, clearly she has no sense of irony wearing a crucifix dangling around her neck. Because nothing says holy more than boning a 14-year old in the backseat of a moving car being driven by his 15-year old cousin.

Seriously, let's be real, the teachers that I had growing up generally looked like a cross between Zuul from Ghostbusters (if they were feminists) or the Mrs. Wormwood character from Calvin and Hobbes. They certainly didn't look like extras from Models Inc. (yeah, because on Wednesdays we go all old school in our pop culture references).

Yet for all the absurdity within this story, the best part is a life-affirming quote from the "victims'" (and I use that term VERY loosely) mother.

"If we had continued along this path, this would have followed him forever," said the mother, whose name was being withheld to protect her son's identity. "My prayer is that he can leave this behind him and go on and be a happy, healthy young man."

Somebody needs to desperately give this woman a reality check. The only problem that I foresee for her son is that he may realize that he's peaked in life. Does anyone think that he's going to do better than Debra Lafave. Is she kidding? Can he be a happy, healthy young man? Uh yeah, I think so, woman. As though he's not going to be the coolest kid in high school--ever. I bet every girl at his school is all over him and every guy wants to be him. Fuck, let's be real, I want to be him. The girls I was getting at 14 years-old, definitely didn't look like that. In fact, there weren't ANY girls in my life at 14-years old. Life is so unfair. I feel like I must quote the noted epicurean philosopher Rod Stewart (also a Sultan of Suck) on this one: "Some guys have all the luck. Some guys have all the fame. Some guys do nothing but complain."

Sing it, Rod, sing the blues. I need to be alone now.

2 Comments:

At 4:11 PM, Blogger Sean from DocintheBox said...

I agree, I would have been the coolest dude ever instead of the dork that I grew up to be, at least I have my wife fooled!

 
At 4:23 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

It's ridiculous...I think I'm just gonna' tell girls from now on that I had an affair with my 7th grade teacher, just to impress them...It's foolproof

 

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